the four right chords can make me cry

Perspective.

its shallow, it annoys me, but its reality, it just happens. people make snap judgements based on weak evidence like the A level results.

did well in the A's = smart, worthy of aunties cooing over you
did badly in the A's = stupid or lazy

i got AAAB, which is considered good, so all the aunties and uncles in church came over and congratulated me, cooing like pigeons. I guess they mean well, and i do appreciate their kind gestures. but i cant help but feel bad for those who didnt do well. i mean, regardless of the result im sure we all did our best, and thats reason enough for praise.

and suddenly my mom admits that i'm a good kid, this in the context of nagging darren to study harder of course. she said i did well, she was visibly pleased with my results. (i have not seen that look on her face in AGES, since the O's 2 years ago i reckon) i mean... i should be happy right, that finally im accepted. i sound ungrateful, but... shouldnt i be accepted regardless of how well i did? havent i been a good kid studying all this while, why is that only recognised if i produce the desired results? such a conditional world we live in. so much lip service being paid to the belief "as long as you tried your best..." in small print you see the clause "...and give us the good grades"

well anyway here are the details of my results

9079 Economics A
9233 Mathematics A
9258 Chemistry A
S paper ungraded
9284 Biology B
S paper ungraded

8005 General Paper A1
8201 Chinese B3

Thank you God for my results =) i didnt even dare ask you for 2 As. I remember being confident about my O's, i knew i had studied enough. But i was totally insecure about my A's, right until the night before results were released. But i managed to commit it to you, told you that i'd praise you no matter what the result and i really meant it. I gave up my plans, opened up my tightly clenched fist and lay my life at your feet. and in my opened palm, you placed these awesome results. I've been blessed beyond measure!

"Lord, you have assigned me my portion and my cup; you have made my lot secure. The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; surely i have a delightful inheritance."

Now i need to know where to go. Not really sure what course to do. my grades are good, to me, but not really scholarship material (esp with those ungradeds... eeps) so i dont know if im staying here or going to the US.

posted by beckyboo @ 11:53 PM